The Myth of the Extraordinary Life
This week, I am skipping the Weekend Wrap and focusing on just one part of that. There hasn't been any new music, I'm playing the same games and reading the same books. But this quote, well, it demanded a little more than usual.
“I’m so jealous of…”
How often do we hear that? How often do we utter that sentence ourselves?
Likely, far too often.
Many times, I doubt it is said out of true jealousy. It is a way for us to try and tell someone we think they are fortunate, without sounding, I don’t know, cloying? Sure, I’ll go with cloying.
It is often even an attempt at being positive. Supportive in some sort of sick way.
But we just sound petty.
Do we really mean we are jealous?
Sadly, I think we do. Social media has poisoned our minds to the point that we fall into the trap of believing that everyone else has more exciting lives than us. They do more than we do. They live more glamorously than we ever possibly could.
So we feel jealous.
Jealousy is such an ugly emotion.
It prevents us from seeing the good in our own lives. We become less satisfied with what we have. Someone else has it better, and it eats at us that we don’t have what they do.
All while someone is thinking the very same about us and our lives.
We end up convinced that our lives are boring. They are plain, unexciting. They are mediocre.
Each Daily Calm guided meditation has a theme, and often concludes with a thought that sums up that day’s theme. This was one such recent thought.
I love it. It appears so simple at first glance. But there is surprising depth to that simple thought. And it is something I think we could all use more of in our lives.
Our happiness depends on our outlook and attitude, not our activities.
Of course, there are bad things that happen to people, completely outside of their control. But even then, attitude is the key to how one navigates those trials.
If we want to be happy, truly happy with our lives, we need to make that choice.
The world is full of examples that prove the reverse of this, particularly over the last decade.
Every day, we see the actions of petty, small-minded billionaires—men (mostly) who have everything the world could offer. Any material object they desire is at their fingertips. Any place they want to visit is an easy private trip away.
Everything we see that makes us think, “I’d be happy if I just had that,” is already theirs.
And are they happy?
I admit to making assumptions here, but I’m going to say that no, they aren’t.
Why?
They have everything! But it’s never enough. They always need more. The money isn’t enough, so they need to “run” companies. They have to have ridiculous weddings where they invite the world’s “elite”.
They have to be president.
And, as we are discovering, they need much more, to the ruin of only God knows how many lives.
It is impossible that these bastards who have everything are happy. They are never satisfied. And this is the most important lesson we can learn in life: Enough is a state of mind.
I have a very fortunate life. I try to recognize that, failing frequently, but I do realize that I am very blessed. But it has been a hell of a lot of work to get here, work done with the aid of more people than I could ever count.
Despite that, it is so easy to fall into the same trap as the bastard billionaires.
Too often, I find myself lamenting some aspect of my life. That is 100% my fault.
Let’s get back to the above quote: the degree of dissatisfaction we feel is a choice. Our lives may be, by all outside assessments, mediocre. But if we find joy in our lives, they can never be mediocre.
That should be our goal—find contentment and joy in the lives we live each day.
We will still have challenges. Trials will beset us. They are part of living.
But those challenges, those trials? They aren’t us. We decide how we face them. We find joy in the small victories. We can be satisfied with what we have.
We aren’t “settling” when we make the choice to be joyful with our place in life. We aren’t giving up. We can still push to improve ourselves, to advance in our careers.
The why is the key. If it is simply to get more, we will never be satisfied. If, however, our motivation is deeper than that, if it is meaningful, we will continue to find joy in the mediocre.
And if we find joy in it, it was never mediocre.