Is Self-Improvement Really Self-Loathing?
Do we make ourselves miserable on the road to self-improvement? That question has been all over the place lately. But I'm not sure.
Just how miserable have we made ourselves, all in the name of self-improvement?
That question has been on my mind lately. A lot.
Article after article has come across my feeds. Not just one. All of them. I can't help but feel like this is a trend.
Or maybe it is just self-selection. I read one such article, and more just come to me.
Either way, it has been drawing an awful lot of my attention.
In fact, I have not one, but two articles about this that I have written. Over 1,000 words each. Still trying to find out where I land on the idea.
Hence, this shorter piece.
See, I truly believe that we should strive to make ourselves better. To become the best version of ourselves that we can become. To reach that Aristotelian ideal of arete.
I've seen so many arguments that we do more harm than good on this path.
The points the authors make are clear, cogent, and coherent.
But it still feels off.
I agree completely that self-improvement can become a means unto itself. And when it does, it becomes a problem. It becomes an obsession. We forget why we started in the first place.
We become disconnected from our arete.
And, perhaps more concerning, we disconnect from other people.
I've been wrestling with this idea that optimization and improvement are damaging. I read the articles, and I have a gut reflex to agree, to applaud, to abandon my systems.
Maybe that isn't the right move, though.
Improvement and optimization aren't bad.
They are tools. Means to help us arrive. Where we arrive is up to us. And that is the key. Or at least one of them.
Our systems can't be the destination. But they can be the rudder. They can steer us, keep us on track.
But there is one other very important aspect to this: other people are, and must be, part of the destination.
The more I think about this, the more convinced I am that our optimization, systems, and improvement all need to serve to help us in our relationships with other people.
And I say that as a lifelong, self-professed introvert who always thought that I would be fine being alone.
More to come on this in the future. It is still working on becoming clear in my mind.
But I really do think those two aspects are the key to it all: keeping in mind our destination and the people who help us along the way. And more importantly, the people we help in the process.
