A Dusty and Dry Well

I am having one such season.

And I don't know that I could tell anyone why. The truth is, lately at least, my creative well feels dry. Empty. I lower the bucket, the rope reaching its limit. I feel it hit the bottom, a hollow thud echoing back up to me. I pull on the rope, the bucket rising, its weight unchanged. I gaze, hopeful, into the round receptacle.

I am greeted with only dust.

But I can hope that gathering is happening in the background.

I've had ideas.

A few. They slip by, and I reach to grab hold of them, afraid they will slip through my fingers. I snag them, squeezing tightly, and then take a peek. Turns out they are all old, worn-out, faded ideas. Not good for much. Threadbare like that t-shirt you've worn a dozen too many times. The one you are certain will just fall apart the next time you wash it.

The ideas, like that t-shirt, are fine to wear around the house. But you'd never let anyone see you wear it in public.

I put the ideas on, and walk around the house a bit. They feel good, so comfortable. Because they are old. I think I can dress them up a bit. I accessorize. I parade the outfit around the house.

Then I see it in the mirror.

It is crap. It sucks. Old, threadbare, faded, and not fit for public review.

I take the old ideas, cram them in the drawer, still unable to throw them in the trash where they belong. I know they aren't good, but I still can't let them go.

Just like that old shirt.

I haven't been able to be bored.

Life has just been busy. So busy. Work has been a lot. The parts of work that matter the most have been good. It has been all of the work demands that shouldn't matter. The parts that my brain should be able to just let go. Those parts have been taking up far more time, energy, and mental CPU cycles than they warrant.

In part, it is because they have needed it.

However, I haven't effectively let them go. That's on me. I tend to hold onto things too long, too tightly. Like that damn t-shirt, all over again. I run scenarios, many of which will never happen, over and over and over again. I play them out. I repeat them.

I exhaust myself, and I'm never bored.

So, new ideas are nowhere to be found.

It's not entirely true.

Nor as dour as I make it sound. I've had ideas. Not all of them are bad. But they require both time and energy that I haven't been able to devote to them. I recognize that. I see something of a reset in the near future.

And so I share this. In part to explain the dip in content lately. In part as an exercise. An opportunity to take nothing and make, well, at least something.

Something is all we have, at times. And the act of making something helps.

A little.